Babies and jaundice

5 days after birth I discovered my baby’s eyes were yellow… and so began our dance with bilirubin-level, phototherapy and all the horror thoughts and what-ifs that come fighting the mind.

I spent more time casting down imaginations than anything else. I kept declaring over him with his name and replacing my thoughts with God’s Word. My hope was on a statement I found myself making when I saw his eyes… It will clear off(it was like someone spoke through me) and I had seen him while I was pregnant, a boy of about 3/4 years old standing smart.

Things looked bleak for a while but it all turned out for good like God has promised. I broke down in the process and I was worshipping with the children when I had a thought to stand up from under the blanket, raise my hands and worship but I gave in to the feeling of my body and refused to obey. I knew I had missed an opportunity for healing later… God heal me but don’t inconvenience me. How many opportunities have I missed this way?

This period taught me the power of declaring God’s Word over my thoughts and situations. I am in charge, not my feelings.

The power of God is always available, we are the only variables.

I noticed that when I was getting overwhelmed with the thoughts of “what if…?” reading the Bible out loud rather than “reading” Google calmed the riot in my mind( so I deliberately tried not to Google symptoms)

My mind is not a dumpster for nonsense, what I allow stays(good/bad)

Most of all I am grateful that despite all the overwhelm there was no post-natal depression or depression of any kind just gratitude for life and strength for every experience.

God is in every detail