Defense Counsel

While I was single, I worked as an assistant teacher at a private school in Abuja. The teacher who I was assisting was an older woman with grown children, one of her child then, was in ss1. He came to see his mother occasionally, whenever he closed from school or needed something, so I barely knew him, but I knew his nickname (what his mother called him).

I woke up one weekend to a love text from a strange number, since I didn’t know who it was I ignored the message. Later in the day, the number called me and the caller introduced himself; I didn’t know the person but I was able to place the voice after listening to the person speak for a while. “Oh, it’s you…Mrs.… son! You are the one sending such message?” It was my direct boss at work’s son. Immediately he knew I recognized him, he hung up.

On Monday, I went to work, to be sure, I indirectly asked if her son’s English name was… she confirmed it was the same name the caller gave.

So, I told her what happened, she was like “that’s not true, let me see the number.” I showed her the message and the number. She saw it and said, “This is his number, I don’t believe this, let me call him.” She picked her phone and called him…

“…Did you call Miss Love and also send her a message?” I didn’t hear what he said at the other end but she said, “It’s not you right? I said it.” then hung up and said “Love, he said he didn’t do it. I know my child, I know what he’s capable of, and he’s not the one.” I looked on in shock and quietly went back to my seat.

I knew for a fact that this was a lost cause; I didn’t bother arguing with her. I couldn’t understand how she explained the evidences I had away – how I knew his name and made his number send a message to my phone. I figured if that will make her sleep at night, then what else can i say.

I filed this in my mind and since that day I realized; I shouldn’t go about carrying the tag of defense counsel for my children.

People reporting my children doesn’t mean my child is being witch hunted, it does not mean I am a bad mother neither does it mean they are always right but I should learn how to strike a balance without my emotions clouding my judgment.

When someone says something about my child, even if it’s true or not, I shouldn’t chastise the child in front of the person/public; I can politely sort it out with the person and then handle the issue with my child in private.

In as much as I should trust my children and they should know I trust them, blind trust and living in denial or blatantly ignoring their shortcomings will only hurt the child and I in the long run.

I think lying to someone in front of my child, when we (my child/children and I)both know it’s a lie, is an indirect way of teaching that child hypocrisy and to also have trust issues…

What do you think?

xoxo