Do it for them or Do it themselves?

Are you team do it for them to avoid stressing yourself and your children or team allow them to do it themselves? This was a choice I had to make in parenting.

I remember making the mistake of night feeding with my first child cos I wanted to sleep, so I gave her whatever she wanted, the stress of weaning her off night feeding later was more than the few hours of sleep I got before. For the other children, I chose to sacrifice a few days of sleep, so I can enjoy a stress-less night’s sleep all through by not pandering to their cries at night. The same went for feeding themselves, I endured the stress of cleaning up messes for a few days or weeks to enjoy the peace of them independently feeding themselves with or without me before age 1.

Sometimes it’s so easy and seemingly faster to do things by yourself rather than have the patience to allow the children to make a mess or mistakes but when I look at the long-term implications, I tell myself little stress now is worth the peace of tomorrow.

I have found myself biting my tongue rather than telling them what to do, instead, i ask…

what do you think?
How do you want to do it?
Why do you want to do it that way? E.t.c

Let them think and confidently utilize their “own” minds instead of mine alone. When they are used to someone thinking for them, they will always look for another person to make decisions for them cos they are not used to exercising their decision-making tools, it’s part of why abuse victims remain with their abusers or people manage conditions that they should not etc.Their foundation was not built on do it yourself but do it for me.

I have learned training a child is not telling them what to do all the time but giving them room to do it themselves too.I still slip and correct myself and I keep growing.

Also, while teaching a child the theory of being confident and independent, I remember the home is also the first stage for the practical aspects. An adult began with a child.