Little Foxes and Vines
I remember sharing a story once on Staff and helps… there is something on parenting which people usually say, you portray those traits you want to see in your children because children learn more from what they see you do than what they hear you say… in essence they soak up your behavior and hand it out to you in their behavior…
I attended a parenting class and the Counselor said she taught her children to call the helps their names rather than say driver, or house help e.t.c.In that post I wrote about a teacher who I was assisting that always put me down in front of the children…
She was a seasoned and experienced teacher. Base on that, theschool put the strong-willed (4-5year old) children in her class. You know those ones that will push your buttons to know how far they can go? Yep! We had them in different colors… and since they saw Miss Love being chastised in front of them everyday, just the way they also were being chastised, then in their book, they were on the same level with me and therefore saw no reason why I should try to correct or discipline them…
It was not a good situation, I had lost the respect of the children, automatically losing control of the class I was to keep in other, resulting in more shout and put downs…
It was a vicious cycle I could not understand. In spite of my efforts, these children are bent on flaunting every rule I set to see if they could.
When other teachers came to the class and the children dare misbehaved, they will be like “don’t think, I am Miss Love who you can behave any how with…” and they always shaped up. I got into different trouble with the proprietress due to not handling the class. I was an assistant teacher but it was part of my duty to make sure the children were well-behaved.
I concluded then, that the issue was with me and since then I go out of my way to avoid situations where I have to be in charge of people whether children or adults… I do not know how to manage people so putting me in such situation was a disaster waiting to happen I believed.
When I started having children, they are mine and I groomed them from infancy, so I made sure any form of being strong-willed was dealt with and they had to toe the line but I did not like the way they became scared of me and will hesitate to air their opinions if it were different from mine… I wanted bold, confident, assured children but I did not know how to let go, I did not want what happened with that class to repeat itself…
I had a help once and I was a very impatient person. especially with people who do not think for themselves but have to wait for me to tell them everything. So I was always losing my patience and shouting at her, whether the children were there or not. Then I noticed they were being sassy to her, I could not understand because they are usually not like that.
One day, she did something and I got pissed off. I let her have it in the presence of the children with their eyes following my mouth and watching the girl. I saw their eyes and felt this is wrong, but I resisted the thought because I felt, I just have to say it and tell her to, she needs to be corrected, let her learn, she needs to blablabla… all the reasons why I should keep talking…
I finished blabbing and I was going to my room, when my daughter said “Mummy, she will always do that, you will be telling her and she will not listen…” when she said that, I thought; okay, now that is wrong. I was trying to make excuses of how it’s not my fault, trying to explain to my conscience why I was not in any way wrong and then a thought dropped… “the children at that school were disrespectful because you got disrespected before them, (I have been asking God why for over three years and now the answer comes…)
I sat on my bed as the scenario from the school years ago and the one with the help played over again in my head… I learnt alright, the problem wasn’t me not knowing how to manage the children and people, but the children being misguided into disrespecting me because that was what they saw portrayed to them, just the way I was portraying to my children…
I cannot say I have totally changed, but I am growing past having to shout and correct every mistakes especially in front of the children and I am now more patient(biting my tongue more like) with perceived flaws because I am fully flawed too… I am also growing from running away from leadership positions…
What have you taught your children without meaning to?
What excuses are you giving for indulging in habits you do not want to see continuing down the line?
What are you saying versus what are you doing?
Like those children and the teacher in that school; it doesn’t apply to your or my children alone, maybe you are saying this is for those that have children, whether you like it or not, you are also a model in one way or another…
While you are making excuses for the habits… have you wondered how the effect can spill into the lives of others within and outside your circle?
XOXO
Previous Post
Next Post
In that school you wouldn’t have to quit the job, you would have study where you were wrong and make adjustments, I shout too but make adjustments sometimes, where they go wrong, I wait to correct them politely, so that they can trust me and share their minds not to another person.
@Ibrahim that’s true… study and make adjustments. The idea is do not shout at someone in front of children, IF you have to shout or correct, then do it privately away from the children’s ears and eyes
I pray always God help me, because I just can’t do it on my own.