Parenting with God series: Parenting from a place of fear/anxiety

I was in the bathroom when a thought came to me, what if you slip, fall and die what would happen to your children?

This is an old tactic and I was done with letting fear of “what if” rule me. I froze for some seconds, then I shrugged… “then I die. My children are God’s own, so he would take care of them, my husband would be okay besides I entered a covenant with God; when I got into my new family after marriage, that there shall be no premature death, so long as I am in this family and God never breaks his word. So, I will not die but leave out my full years on earth. With these thoughts, I pushed back the fear that wanted to slip in.

Usually, when thoughts like that come I become fearful and start rebuking and casting, but my growth and understanding of God has changed the usual bondage those thoughts bring.

The same thing applies in parenting, some of us are so fearful about the things we have experienced, seen or heard replicating themselves in the lives of our children that we hold on to them so tightly or transfer our paranoia onto our children.

I am someone who thinks deeply about things, it’s not a surprise when I overreact to a little thing my child does, for instance, my son spills water or my daughter is crying over a minor incident, my thoughts may be… one of us could slip, breaking their heads or something, imagine the physical, emotional and financial stress it will take to handle the accident and hospital visits. or how the cry baby would become a wuss who allows people to walk all over her and end up giving up on things, become a failure or end up with an abusive man who takes advantage of her.

Crazy right? yeah, I know. But now, my reaction is not for spilt water or handling the childish cry over the colour of a spoon but over the picture and fear I have in my head.

As I discovered this, I am learning to ask myself before I react most times, “what am I reacting to or scared of? Are they valid? Do I have to react, shout or beat because it’s the best for this situation now or am I doing it to chase away the thoughts in my head?” This pause has helped me more times than I can count.

Most of us unknowingly parent from the place of fear and anxiety due to different reasons or the other, but in partnering with God, it’s left to us to ask God to open our eyes to see what it is we are so scared of and how we can hand it over to him, then we can bring up our children in the right way, rather than the way the fears in our heads dictates we should.

Are you the one raising your children or the voices in your head?